i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
