You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
