is wine microwaveable?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
