Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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