i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
