guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
