why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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