Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
