Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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