Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
