I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
