Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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