Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
