I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
