She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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