Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
