I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
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I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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