I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
