apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
