After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
