Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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