Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can you bring me the toilet please
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
