Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize