Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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