He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
