Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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