I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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