she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
