Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize