i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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