What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...