i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.