Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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