i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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