My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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