Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
