Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
