Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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