Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
