Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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