I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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