I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So squirting runs in the family.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
