She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
