Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
