He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
