sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
