My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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