If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
