I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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