??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
