whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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