I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
