Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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