My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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