fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
