I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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