**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
