and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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