Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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