I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
