Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize