Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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