Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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