I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
