last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize